Faith and Family Live (http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/) blogger Arwen Mosher endured infertility before giving birth to her daughter. She blogged extensively on her infertility journey and kindly sent me some of her posts to help me in my own struggle:
Sometimes when the inception of a new cycle has informed me of the fruitlessness of the preceding one, grief will stop me for a moment. These moments are the emptiest I’ve experienced; I do nothing in them except shudder in tears. But it occurred to me at the last one – yesterday – that these moments are not sadness, they are fear. In my deepest grief I do not mourn the fruitlessness of my hopes for a child, I fear the fruitlessness of hope itself. This small thing, so longed-for, has not come, and for a moment I am frozen in fear that no things longed-for will ever come. My life is a constant longing for ultimate joy in God, and the tiny atheism that is the fear in those moments is enough violence to split my soul wide open. I know what Lewis means about grief feeling like fear; the grief of my unfulfilled hopes brings the fear that God does not love me. That is the only thing worth fearing, but also the one thing which my existence proves I need never fear.